Hello Bizzy Bees!
Happy hump day!
When Jessie and I were engaged, one of the things we did to prepare for marriage was read the book The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. In his book, he describes the five love languages as:
- Words of Affirmation
- Encourage, affirm, appreciate, empathize, listen actively
- Send an unexpected note, text, or card. Genuinely encourage, and often.
- Physical Touch
- Non-verbal – use body language and touch to express love
- Hug, kiss, hold hands, show physical affection often. Make intimacy a thoughtful priority.
- Receiving Gifts
- Thoughtfulness, make your spouse a priority, speak purposefully
- Give thoughtful gifts and gestures. Small things matter in a big way. Express gratitude when receiving a gift.
- Quality Time
- Uninterrupted and focused conversations, one-on-one time is critical
- Create special moments together, take walks and do small things with your partner. Weekend getaways are huge.
- Acts of Service
- Use action phrases like “I’ll help…”, they want to know you’re with them, partnered with them
- Do chores together or make them breakfast in bed. Go out of your way to help alleviate their daily workload.
Since Denis and I were on opposite sides of the country during our engagement, we actually read this book together over the phone. He would read to me for a while and then I would read to him. Back and forth we went until we finished the book. It was all in an effort to learn more about each other and what things make us feel loved.
At the time, we completed the quiz in the book, but today, you can complete The Love Language Quiz online to find out what your love language is. This will help you communicate what makes you feel loved and ask for what you need specifically.
Also, when you know your partner’s primary love language, you can set out on the tough journey of learning to “speak” another love language.
I have discovered this is extremely difficult. It is so much easier to “speak” the love language you are comfortable with yourself. I found out that my primary love language is Quality Time. My tendency is to feel loved when someone gives me time and attention… and when I try to express my love for others, I almost always default to trying to give them Quality Time by asking them out for coffee or to go do something together where there is time and space to have a deep conversation and/or connection. It does not come naturally to me to think thoughtfully of Jessie and get her a gift that would make her feel loved.
As Denis alluded to, I found out my primary love language is Receiving Gifts. My tendency is to feel love when someone gives me a gift. It’s really the fact that they were thinking of me when they chose to create or get that gift for me… and when I try to express my love for others, I know I am a HUGE gift-giver. It makes me feel loved, so why wouldn’t it do the same for others?
Shifting gears just a little bit… Jessie and I recently watched Gwenyth Paltrow’s Sex Love & Goop series on Netflix. This is the definition of “Netflix and Chill.” There is only one season with six episodes, but it was really powerful and well done. If you have ever wondered about your sexuality and getting your sexual desires and needs met, this is a great place to start.
One of our favorite people introduced during the show was Jaiya who is a somatic sexologist. On her website, missjaiya.com, she has a Basic Quiz (Free) or an In-Depth Quiz (for $17) that you can take to determine what you primary Erotic Blueprint is by answering a few questions about what turns you on sexually and your primary sexual desires.
This was so much fun for Jessie and I to do together, becuase we have had such a great relationship because of learning about our love languages, why shoudn’t we know about our erotic blueprints as well. Armed with this information, I can help Jessie get her sexual needs met and she can know me better too!
The “5 Erotic Blueprint Types” are:
After taking the In-Depth Quiz, I determined that my Erotic Blueprint was Sensual and that totally makes sense to me! I have always loved a sensual massage or being romantically touched and caressed and now I can ask for what turns me on and what I want in the bedroom.
I determined my Erotic Blueprint is Shapeshifter. As I understand it, that means I am a little bit of everything and sometimes I’m “too much” for others and do not know how to get my vast needs met…
We have a LOT of work to do to get Denis’ needs met… It’s literally exhausting! 😉
Well, on that note, let us know what your Love Languages and Erotic Blueprints are and how knowing more about yourself has helped you get your needs met in love and the bedroom!
Until next week… Get Bizzy,
Jessie & Denis