Hello Bizzy Bees!
Happy Hump Day to each of you! We hope this email finds you well.
Today, I thought it would be fun to consider the question, “When does sex begin?”
Have you ever heard, “For a woman, sex starts in the mind”…
…or that “For a man, sex starts when he visually sees someone he desires?”
We could all benefit from understanding or knowing when sex begins. With knowledge comes power to affect one’s own life in a desirable way. WebMD’s article Your Guide to the Sexual Response Cycle describes the Sexual Response Cycle as follows: Phase 1: Excitement, Phase 2: Plateau, Phase 3: Orgasm, and Phase 4: Resolution.
I have always been surprised by Jessie when she wants to roll around in the sheets with me and truly desires me at the end of a long day of family-life. “What happened?”, “Why tonight… and not last night?”, “What happened differently today?”, I would ask myself. I was committed to figuring it out.
To answer Denis’ question, there isn’t always a reason. Some nights I felt obligated knowing sex is good for our relationship and for our connection. Other nights my hormones were raging and I wanted to make a baby. Some days, I had been over-touched and stimulated by the kids, so I just wanted to lay and look at each other and connect in that way. Of course, being a sexual being, some nights I just want him.
Throughout my life in my relationships, I frequently shied away from my masculine role and therefore forced Jessie to assume the vacant space I created. Alternatively, once I finally realized what I was doing and re-claimed my masculine power, it gave Jessie the ability to relax into her feminine power.
As a woman, I am often the one making the calls on when we do date nights, where we go, who we are meeting etc. I am also the one who ultimately decides if we are having sex today, tonight or later. Sometimes, it is nice when Denis leads in this way. He will plan a night where I don’t have to make any decisions – he takes me out to dinner, decides what we are doing with our evening and it is nice to “be along for the ride”. Similarly, it is nice when Denis decides to pursue me all day and sometimes we don’t even make it to the night. The fore-play for women is so important and when I am warming up all day – it leads to a lot of fun at night.
I am a man who got married and then consciously or unconsciously relaxed away from my masculine polarity and towards my feminine polarity within myself. Hence, I did not flirt with my wife to entice her to open up to me. On the contrary, I expected her to want and desire me because we were “married” as if being married created some supernatural force field where the laws of nature cease to exist.
The true femine energy wants to be noticed, desired, truly seen, and pursued. This does not stop the day you say “I do.” to each other.
I started to flirt with and desire Jessie and consciously pursue her throughout each day. When I found out that sex began in the moment I approached her with desire in my eyes, our whole relationship changed for the better!
Ultimately, I chose to embrace my masculine again in a new way with open arms. I would catch her involved in something around the house and would move into her space and make eye contact with her that said, “I want you right now!” without saying a word, and she would simply smile and nod with her head down and soft eyes up knowing exactly what I was communicating. Sometimes that energy would stay with her until the kids were all in bed at night and to no surprise, Jessie was ready to roll around in the sheets with that cute boy who was flirting with her all day… getting in her head and saying, “I see you and I want you!”
Sometimes, it was just too much energy for me to handle and I wanted him to take me right then and there… on the couch… on the bed… in the laundry room.
It changed our whole relationship and intimacy dynamics when I wised up and chose to embrace my masculine.
As a woman, no one teaches you how to be sexual. It is all natural. But as a busy mom, cleaning lady, cook, chaufer, sometimes the last thing we want to be at the end of a long day is a sex goddess to our man. It is not natural, the natural thing would be to sleep. But if you are flirting all day, here and there, sending sexy texts, flirting with your eyes at dinner, staying in that sexy place throughout the day, it is much easier to crawl into bed desiring an intimate connection with your lover.
Most of us believe the “Excitement” phase is just prior to that actual act of sexual intercourse, but in our experience, YOU get to decide when to initiate the excitement phase which could be (and should be) long, long before the physical act of sex.
Until next week… Get Bizzy,
Jessie & Denis
P.S. Reply and let us know when you think sex begins!
- WebMD, 2021, Your Guide to the Sexual Response Cycle, https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/sexual-health-your-guide-to-sexual-response-cycle